2014 This Year....

2014

This Year…..

A bad habit I am going to break:  Sinking onto the sofa at night (I want to be less exhausted so sofa-sinking won’t be necessary!)

A new skill I would like to learn: Use the cd’s I have for Italian and meditation. Have FUN

A person I wish to be more like: Maria (she is happier than me, has more fun, is a great mom, a good role model, and has more energy)

A good deed I am going to do: Say YES to G as often as I can

A place I would like to visit: a hotel with T

A book I want to read: Any book.  I need to start reading again

A letter I want to write:  A Christmas/New Year letter to family and friends

A new food I want to try:  Healthy recipes for my family

Something I want to do better: Talk nicer to myself, Encourage myself, Be my best advocate and cheerleader.  I am a good person.  Believe that?

Other dreams- figure out what I like to do. G thinks all I do is work. I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. Can there be fun for fun's sake?

Spend time with friends. Cultivate friendships. That would be nice. Friendships. Sigh.

Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can ~Arthur Ashe

Today, I started by going through the containers of clothes that I have.  I have three containers of clothes in smaller (but attainable) sizes for when I lose 10 lbs. Any clothes that no longer fit me after I lose ten pounds, I will donate.

I also have a container of knit fabric I can use for G.  The fabric is terrific and will make some great dresses for her.

I put together five big bags of stuff to take to Goodwill.  We also got trash out and recycling ready to take.

I reorganized the gift bags, cleaned and organized G's room, and then collapsed- overwhelmed.  It doesn't look like I did a darn thing. Later, I started Warm Ups for my students on the Mayans.  I also went through ten (EEK- TEN) pages of personal email and cleaned it up.  Now there are only two. Hooray!

G and I made jeweled crowns, colored together, read together, watched a movie together. We snuggled on the sofa.

Why is this important? Because I want to look back and feel like I accomplished SOMETHING. Anything. That I have value.

Dark Days

A shooting happened in LPS. In. L. P. S. A student brought a rifle (he legally bought) into school and killed another student.  This happened on Friday the 13th in my district less than a mile from where I teach.

A student was upset with a teacher.  Why?  Do we ever really know why?  But he thought the answer was to bring a weapon into school and kill someone with it. Shoot the teacher dead. He didn't do it. He killed an innocent girl instead.

My diet and my migraines went to hell. I just went into survival mode. I couldn't think; I couldn't cry and then I couldn't stop. I had nightmares.

Are we ever safe? No, I don't think so.

How many times a week do I make some student unhappy because I don't do/say/act in the way the student wants?  I cannot even begin to know.  It feels like Russian Roulette to me. When do I draw the short straw?  Will I?

Was this just the reminder from God that life is short and every day is precious?

I don't know.

But, I have held my daughter closer and tighter ever day since. I have said yes as often as I can to anything and everything I can that she asks of me. And, I have decided to try and get right with my head. I want to have more fun and work less. I may not be able to do the "hard core" and uber vigilant approach to the diet, but I am sure going to try to just make the best choices I can for life in general.