My number one goal this year is to have more fun. I work...all the time. For my job, at home.
My beloved daughter said to me the other day, she did not want to be a grown up and she was going to stop eating her vegetable (which she loves) because she did not want to be a grown up like me because all I do is work. And she did not want to be like that. It was a hard truth to hear.
I went to a psychic and asked if my grandmothers had any messages for me. At first, she said she didn't understand what they were trying to tell her. She said they were holding an Easter basket with that plastic grass in it and... I am not sure what else. But then, she laughed and said it was her symbol to have more fun. They were telling me to lighten up and have more fun in my life.
The really sad part is that I am not even sure HOW to have fun anymore.
How pathetic is that?
How does one HAVE fun? I am so accustomed to working all the time that I am not sure how to relax and have a good time. I feel guilty when I am not being productive.
So, my hope for this year, is that I can re-learn how to do that.
I am hoping it will strengthen my relationships with others, especially my daughter and my husband. And I am hoping it will help with my depression. I have been journaling about what I do each day and UGH. I am boring. I really do work ALL the time.
I don't want to be such a disappointment to my precious child. And, somehow, I feel I am letting myself down too. I think I deserve to have a good time... I have to be worth more than just this.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Friday, December 27, 2013
2014 This Year....
2014
This Year…..
A bad habit I am going to break: Sinking onto the sofa at night (I want to be less exhausted so sofa-sinking won’t be necessary!)
A new skill I would like to learn: Use the cd’s I have for Italian and meditation. Have FUN
A person I wish to be more like: Maria (she is happier than me, has more fun, is a great mom, a good role model, and has more energy)
A good deed I am going to do: Say YES to G as often as I can
A place I would like to visit: a hotel with T
A book I want to read: Any book. I need to start reading again
A letter I want to write: A Christmas/New Year letter to family and friends
A new food I want to try: Healthy recipes for my family
Something I want to do better: Talk nicer to myself, Encourage myself, Be my best advocate and cheerleader. I am a good person. Believe that?
Other dreams- figure out what I like to do. G thinks all I do is work. I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. Can there be fun for fun's sake?
Spend time with friends. Cultivate friendships. That would be nice. Friendships. Sigh.
Other dreams- figure out what I like to do. G thinks all I do is work. I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. Can there be fun for fun's sake?
Spend time with friends. Cultivate friendships. That would be nice. Friendships. Sigh.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can ~Arthur Ashe
Today, I started by going through the containers of clothes that I have. I have three containers of clothes in smaller (but attainable) sizes for when I lose 10 lbs. Any clothes that no longer fit me after I lose ten pounds, I will donate.
I also have a container of knit fabric I can use for G. The fabric is terrific and will make some great dresses for her.
I put together five big bags of stuff to take to Goodwill. We also got trash out and recycling ready to take.
I reorganized the gift bags, cleaned and organized G's room, and then collapsed- overwhelmed. It doesn't look like I did a darn thing. Later, I started Warm Ups for my students on the Mayans. I also went through ten (EEK- TEN) pages of personal email and cleaned it up. Now there are only two. Hooray!
G and I made jeweled crowns, colored together, read together, watched a movie together. We snuggled on the sofa.
Why is this important? Because I want to look back and feel like I accomplished SOMETHING. Anything. That I have value.
I also have a container of knit fabric I can use for G. The fabric is terrific and will make some great dresses for her.
I put together five big bags of stuff to take to Goodwill. We also got trash out and recycling ready to take.
I reorganized the gift bags, cleaned and organized G's room, and then collapsed- overwhelmed. It doesn't look like I did a darn thing. Later, I started Warm Ups for my students on the Mayans. I also went through ten (EEK- TEN) pages of personal email and cleaned it up. Now there are only two. Hooray!
G and I made jeweled crowns, colored together, read together, watched a movie together. We snuggled on the sofa.
Why is this important? Because I want to look back and feel like I accomplished SOMETHING. Anything. That I have value.
Dark Days
A shooting happened in LPS. In. L. P. S. A student brought a rifle (he legally bought) into school and killed another student. This happened on Friday the 13th in my district less than a mile from where I teach.
A student was upset with a teacher. Why? Do we ever really know why? But he thought the answer was to bring a weapon into school and kill someone with it. Shoot the teacher dead. He didn't do it. He killed an innocent girl instead.
My diet and my migraines went to hell. I just went into survival mode. I couldn't think; I couldn't cry and then I couldn't stop. I had nightmares.
Are we ever safe? No, I don't think so.
How many times a week do I make some student unhappy because I don't do/say/act in the way the student wants? I cannot even begin to know. It feels like Russian Roulette to me. When do I draw the short straw? Will I?
Was this just the reminder from God that life is short and every day is precious?
I don't know.
But, I have held my daughter closer and tighter ever day since. I have said yes as often as I can to anything and everything I can that she asks of me. And, I have decided to try and get right with my head. I want to have more fun and work less. I may not be able to do the "hard core" and uber vigilant approach to the diet, but I am sure going to try to just make the best choices I can for life in general.
A student was upset with a teacher. Why? Do we ever really know why? But he thought the answer was to bring a weapon into school and kill someone with it. Shoot the teacher dead. He didn't do it. He killed an innocent girl instead.
My diet and my migraines went to hell. I just went into survival mode. I couldn't think; I couldn't cry and then I couldn't stop. I had nightmares.
Are we ever safe? No, I don't think so.
How many times a week do I make some student unhappy because I don't do/say/act in the way the student wants? I cannot even begin to know. It feels like Russian Roulette to me. When do I draw the short straw? Will I?
Was this just the reminder from God that life is short and every day is precious?
I don't know.
But, I have held my daughter closer and tighter ever day since. I have said yes as often as I can to anything and everything I can that she asks of me. And, I have decided to try and get right with my head. I want to have more fun and work less. I may not be able to do the "hard core" and uber vigilant approach to the diet, but I am sure going to try to just make the best choices I can for life in general.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
The Blood Sugar Swing
It has been four days since I began my new plan.
Let me fill you in on my progress. I read that many people feel no real effects of the detox and that it generally is an easy and gradual beginning for them. That was NOT me! I was pretty sick all weekend! UGH. I had absolutely no energy, a migraine headache, and I simply had to lay down for both days. I was utterly wiped out. As weird as it sounds, I took this as a good sign that I was on the right track.
If starting to eat right and detox could have THAT drastic of an effect on me in just two days, I knew that something was pretty off in my system and I really needed to work to get it back on track. My husband was really supportive and concurred. I got NOTHING done at home and literally spent the weekend in bed.
I was anxious about what that meant for teaching on Monday. (You cannot just lay around --or even sit around for that matter at school! Yikes!) But, Monday, I had more energy and felt a whole lot better- until about one pm and then I crashed. I had a headache and started to feel really exhausted. Again, I took it as a good sign that things might be looking up. At least I felt better until one, right?
Tuesday, I tried to think about more protein, smaller, more frequent meals in addition to all the healthy veggies. No carbs affects your blood sugar! It worked a bit better, I made it until 2:30 and then the same thing happened. So, because I had my planning period (and because I had a meeting from 3:30 until 5:30 that I had to be able to function for) I ran to the health food store and got a snack to help with the blood sugar issues.
Today, when I got on the scale (which has NOT been my friend for MONTHS), I had lost a FULL pound! Yippee! Hooray! Hallelujah! ** I know, I know, weight should not be/ and is not my real objective, but honestly losing at least fifteen pounds to put me back to my ideal weight would be a very nice bonus.
I am hoping today to keep my blood sugar balanced more correctly. That means more protein. It means more frequent meals. I actually WOKE UP with the headache I have been getting in the afternoon. ARGH! That means somehow last night I messed it up at dinner time. So, back to the drawing board...stay tuned.
Let me fill you in on my progress. I read that many people feel no real effects of the detox and that it generally is an easy and gradual beginning for them. That was NOT me! I was pretty sick all weekend! UGH. I had absolutely no energy, a migraine headache, and I simply had to lay down for both days. I was utterly wiped out. As weird as it sounds, I took this as a good sign that I was on the right track.
If starting to eat right and detox could have THAT drastic of an effect on me in just two days, I knew that something was pretty off in my system and I really needed to work to get it back on track. My husband was really supportive and concurred. I got NOTHING done at home and literally spent the weekend in bed.
I was anxious about what that meant for teaching on Monday. (You cannot just lay around --or even sit around for that matter at school! Yikes!) But, Monday, I had more energy and felt a whole lot better- until about one pm and then I crashed. I had a headache and started to feel really exhausted. Again, I took it as a good sign that things might be looking up. At least I felt better until one, right?
Tuesday, I tried to think about more protein, smaller, more frequent meals in addition to all the healthy veggies. No carbs affects your blood sugar! It worked a bit better, I made it until 2:30 and then the same thing happened. So, because I had my planning period (and because I had a meeting from 3:30 until 5:30 that I had to be able to function for) I ran to the health food store and got a snack to help with the blood sugar issues.
Today, when I got on the scale (which has NOT been my friend for MONTHS), I had lost a FULL pound! Yippee! Hooray! Hallelujah! ** I know, I know, weight should not be/ and is not my real objective, but honestly losing at least fifteen pounds to put me back to my ideal weight would be a very nice bonus.
I am hoping today to keep my blood sugar balanced more correctly. That means more protein. It means more frequent meals. I actually WOKE UP with the headache I have been getting in the afternoon. ARGH! That means somehow last night I messed it up at dinner time. So, back to the drawing board...stay tuned.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Why on Earth would you do this?
I am setting out on a journey towards better health. Intuitively, I think that making these lifestyle changes will have a positive effect on me. I have endured migraine headaches since 1978. Unfortunately, unlike other members of my family who may have them once or twice a year, I have them three or four times a week. Additionally, I have several autoimmune issues, I battle insomnia, asthma, joint pain, focus issues, depression, and fatigue. Recently, I was diagnosed with Celiac.
The laundry list of symptoms means that most days I feel crummy at best and some days I feel just plain rotten. My mission: To answer a "How are you?" question with "Great!" and mean it!
This blog entry is meant to be my inspirational post to myself so that when the going gets tough along the way, I remember why I started down this path in the first place.
After reading a lot about candida and leaky gut, I think my symptoms all point to the same problem: my gut. It is called our second brain and it controls way more than we have thought previously! When something bad happens, and it makes you feel sick to your stomach, it really IS having an effect on your stomach! I am learning that my migraines and serotonin levels are connected to my stomach/gut. I am learning that my stress levels affect my stomach/gut. So, fixing my gut may fix my other issues as well.
Is that cup of coffee or piece of candy worth a migraine? No way. Would I be willing to eat on this limited diet plan for the rest of my life if these symptoms went away? Yes, I really would. And you, dear reader heard me say it.
The laundry list of symptoms means that most days I feel crummy at best and some days I feel just plain rotten. My mission: To answer a "How are you?" question with "Great!" and mean it!
This blog entry is meant to be my inspirational post to myself so that when the going gets tough along the way, I remember why I started down this path in the first place.
After reading a lot about candida and leaky gut, I think my symptoms all point to the same problem: my gut. It is called our second brain and it controls way more than we have thought previously! When something bad happens, and it makes you feel sick to your stomach, it really IS having an effect on your stomach! I am learning that my migraines and serotonin levels are connected to my stomach/gut. I am learning that my stress levels affect my stomach/gut. So, fixing my gut may fix my other issues as well.
Is that cup of coffee or piece of candy worth a migraine? No way. Would I be willing to eat on this limited diet plan for the rest of my life if these symptoms went away? Yes, I really would. And you, dear reader heard me say it.
So....Now what?
I am going to attempt to re-set my system. It isn't as fast or as easy as a computer. But, I think it is absolutely necessary for me. I think my stomach and intestines are totally out of whack. I think I have leaky gut issues as well as candida. I think this may explain so many of my symptoms.
I am looking forward to beginning a Stage 1 tomorrow. New eating program and plans to work on my stress level also.
I am eliminating a lot of modern day convenience food, foods that cause allergies, and foods that seem to feed candida. The goal for this first phase is to improve immune system and intestine functioning and help improve absorption of nutrients.
So, what WILL I eat?
Lots of fresh vegetables. Free range eggs or chicken, fresh fish, nuts (except for pistachio and peanut), rice milk, brown rice, gluten free oats, quinoa, unsalted good quality butter, ginger, herbal teas or dandelion root coffee, lemons, organic cider vinegar, sunflower seeds, fresh herbs and good spices, green apple, beetroot, avocado, cherries, berries.
For me, this means juicing for one meal perhaps, having a grain based meal with a rice milk and fruit for one meal, and then a good quality steamed or raw veggies and protein (fish or chicken or eggs) meal. It means snacks of veggies and nuts in between. Very simple foods for two to three weeks. (The time depends on how I feel and what my body needs.)
What WON'T I eat?
No sugar, dairy, wheat, grains that aren't on the list, starchy vegetables, processed food, meat other than what is listed, shellfish, junk food, etc. Essentially, if it isn't on the good list above, it isn't going in my mouth. For about two weeks. Yep. That includes Thanksgiving.
Additionally, I will be drinking only water or herbal teas. Absolutely no caffeine at all. I am also taking a product called Colozone to help clean up the colon. And, I am going to meditate each day. Ideally, this would be done during a time when you could take a break from work and take it easy... but with a small child and a full time job, that won't be happening. I am just going to do my best to lighten my stress load. Not just for this two week time period, but for life in general. This is not meant for me to be a short intervention, it really is my hope that this will be a lifestyle shift.
The goal is to purge toxins from your system and get your body back to rights. My focus will be on choosing snacks to make sure that I am not hungry during the day (I don't want to be tempted to cheat and eat something stupid) and that my blood sugar stays well-regulated. As long as I have a meal plan and snacks at the ready, I feel pretty confident about this plan.
I am hoping to post some recipes these next few weeks so you can see what wonderful things I come up with to eat with my limited list of ingredients... Perhaps you too will want to try them!
We will see how it goes...
I am looking forward to beginning a Stage 1 tomorrow. New eating program and plans to work on my stress level also.
I am eliminating a lot of modern day convenience food, foods that cause allergies, and foods that seem to feed candida. The goal for this first phase is to improve immune system and intestine functioning and help improve absorption of nutrients.
So, what WILL I eat?
Lots of fresh vegetables. Free range eggs or chicken, fresh fish, nuts (except for pistachio and peanut), rice milk, brown rice, gluten free oats, quinoa, unsalted good quality butter, ginger, herbal teas or dandelion root coffee, lemons, organic cider vinegar, sunflower seeds, fresh herbs and good spices, green apple, beetroot, avocado, cherries, berries.
For me, this means juicing for one meal perhaps, having a grain based meal with a rice milk and fruit for one meal, and then a good quality steamed or raw veggies and protein (fish or chicken or eggs) meal. It means snacks of veggies and nuts in between. Very simple foods for two to three weeks. (The time depends on how I feel and what my body needs.)
What WON'T I eat?
No sugar, dairy, wheat, grains that aren't on the list, starchy vegetables, processed food, meat other than what is listed, shellfish, junk food, etc. Essentially, if it isn't on the good list above, it isn't going in my mouth. For about two weeks. Yep. That includes Thanksgiving.
Additionally, I will be drinking only water or herbal teas. Absolutely no caffeine at all. I am also taking a product called Colozone to help clean up the colon. And, I am going to meditate each day. Ideally, this would be done during a time when you could take a break from work and take it easy... but with a small child and a full time job, that won't be happening. I am just going to do my best to lighten my stress load. Not just for this two week time period, but for life in general. This is not meant for me to be a short intervention, it really is my hope that this will be a lifestyle shift.
The goal is to purge toxins from your system and get your body back to rights. My focus will be on choosing snacks to make sure that I am not hungry during the day (I don't want to be tempted to cheat and eat something stupid) and that my blood sugar stays well-regulated. As long as I have a meal plan and snacks at the ready, I feel pretty confident about this plan.
I am hoping to post some recipes these next few weeks so you can see what wonderful things I come up with to eat with my limited list of ingredients... Perhaps you too will want to try them!
We will see how it goes...
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