Number One Goal

My number one goal this year is to have more fun. I work...all the time. For my job, at home. 

My beloved daughter said to me the other day, she did not want to be a grown up and she was going to stop eating her vegetable (which she loves) because she did not want to be a grown up like me because all I do is work. And she did not want to be like that. It was a hard truth to hear. 

I went to a psychic and asked if my grandmothers had any messages for me. At first, she said she didn't understand what they were trying to tell her.  She said they were holding an Easter basket with that plastic grass in it and... I am not sure what else. But then, she laughed and said it was her symbol to have more fun. They were telling me to lighten up and have more fun in my life. 

The really sad part is that I am not even sure HOW to have fun anymore. 

How pathetic is that?

How does one HAVE fun?  I am so accustomed to working all the time that I am not sure how to relax and have a good time.  I feel guilty when I am not being productive. 

So, my hope for this year, is that I can re-learn how to do that. 

I am hoping it will strengthen my relationships with others, especially my daughter and my husband. And I am hoping it will help with my depression. I have been journaling about what I do each day and UGH. I am boring. I really do work ALL the time.

I don't want to be such a disappointment to my precious child. And, somehow, I feel I am letting myself down too. I think I deserve to have a good time... I have to be worth more than just this.